Funny Anecdotes
From The Last Weeks:
September 6th 2002
(1) It’s Saturday (August 24th 2002), 1:45
a.m. Together with some friends I’ve drowned the disaster of St. Pauli
loosing to VfB Luebeck 0:6. Now I’m sleeping on a couch in Luebeck, when
my mobile’s ringing:
Corinna: Helll-lllo?!
Claudia*: Corinna?
Corinna: Si.
Claudia: The house is shaking and swaying!
Corinna: What?
Claudia: The house is shaking and swaying!
Corinna: My world’s spinning, too!
Claudia: Your world’s spinning, too?
Corinna: Indeed! But I’m in Luebeck!
Claudia: Oh. But here, everything is shaking
and swaying!
Corinna: Hey, and what do you want me to
do about it? Get in the car, drive to Hamburg and hold the building tight?
But, I’m not surprised to hear this anyway.
Claudia: Why?
Corinna: Because I got two machines in my
flat, drying the walls and the floor of the apartment. They’re working
hard, sucking in the wet air and spitting out some incredibly hot and dry
air. I’m not surprised you can hear and feel them doing their jobs!
Claudia: Oh... and you can’t turn them off?
Corinna: I sure could – but wouldn’t that
slightly invalidate their purpose – don’t you think?
Claudia: Possibly... But... Aren’t they
dangerous?
Corinna: Hm?!?
Claudia: Aren’t these machines dangerous?
Corinna: How?
Claudia: Couldn’t they get on fire?
Corinna: Anything could get on fire. But
why should they? They’re just two fat machines, looking like R2D2’s cousins
and making a lot of hot fuzz. R2D2 isn’t dangerous either!
Claudia: And you don’t think they could
get on fire?
Corinna: Not really.
Claudia: I think, I will move out nonetheless...
Corinna: ...
Claudia: ... I’ll go to my parents place
tomorrow and they there as long as it lasts...
Corinna: ...
Claudia: ... and tonight I’ll stay with
my boy-friend...
Corinna: ...
Claudia: ... I’ll go there right now!
Corinna: Whatever you want...
Remember: All this at 2:00 a.m.!!!
(2) It’s Monday (August, 24th 2002) 8:00
a.m. Corinna is fast asleep. Since May I’ve not set my alarm anymore, every
day being sure to be woken up by hammering and sewing at 7:00 a.m. at the
latest. Strangely enough, not today. There are people working upstairs
but for some obscure reason they’re keeping totally quiet today.
So at 8:00 a.m. I am woken by some
rather persistent knocks on my door...
Corinna: ?!?
Electrician: Good morning!
Corinna: ...
Electrician: Have you still been asleep?
Corinna: ...
Electrician: We’re here to fit some electrics.
Corinna: What electrics?
Electrician: [taking a look at his clip
board] Everything!
Corinna: Oh, what a plan! Everything?
Electrician: Yep! Everything!
Corinna: Great. OK. Look, there are three
options for you:
1. You are fitting everything upstairs.
Problem is, it’s an absolute mess up there: There are piles of plaster-tiles
(to put up on the walls) everywhere. If you can fit your electrics – amongst
those piles and another couple of builders – into some not yet existing
walls, I won’t stop you!
2. You are fitting everything down
here. Problem is, I got two professional drying machines running here.
Collectively, they’ve managed to create a constant temperature of 37°
C (ca. 102° F) and you’re not allowed to open any windows.
You’re very welcome to work naked
– be sure I don’t mind... or
3. You bugger off and come back some
time later.
Electrician: Well... I think we’re off then...
Good-bye!
(3) It’s Monday (August, 26th 2002)
morning, a little later. The electricians have left (!) and because I’m
still far too tired to get in the car and drive to work, I decide to take
a look at what’s happening upstairs.
Corinna: Moin! (Hamburg’s way of saying
"Good morning")
Builders: Moin!
Corinna: Oh... starting to look better!
Builders: Yep, we’re on our way. And we’re
going to start with the walls soon, too!
Corinna: Oh, that’s interesting! Where are
you going to put the walls?
Builders: ... There... there... and there!
Corinna: Great idea this is not! This is
not where the walls are going to be!
Builders: Oh! Is it not?
Corinna: No, positively, not!
Builders: But... Isn’t it in the plan?
Corinna: What plan?
Builders: Don’t you have a plan?
Corinna: No. And you don’t seem to have
one either. Therefore I doubt the existence of a plan altogether!
Builders: Oh... But... Where do you want
the walls?
Corinna: No idea. Don’t know what’s going
to be possible...
Builders: Anything is possible.
Corinna: OK, but not everything is making
sense!
Builders: True... Well, there is definitely
going to be a wall here [pointing to the sky-light of my kitchen].
Corinna: Definitely not! It would have to
be a flying wall otherwise!
Builders: Why?
Corinna: Because this is the sky-light of
the kitchen!
Builders: The kitchen’s got a sky-light?
Where is the kitchen!
I spare you the rest of this rather lengthy
discussion – it just got way too ridiculous...
Fact is, no-one ever really gave thought
to the question of where to put the walls... All I could do for an ad hoc
meeting with everyone involved in this project and try to make at least
a bit of sense...
By the way: So far, not a single wall has
been built!
Happy weekend!
;)
Corinna.
PS. I’ve come off the idea of a mint-green
carpet... I’m thinking ice-blue-greyish things now...
* Claudia is my neighbour, who’s obviously
not called Claudia, but for reasons of security her name has been changed
by me!
;)